


The New Beginning

by Nikky_the_writer



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 10:38:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16871404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikky_the_writer/pseuds/Nikky_the_writer
Summary: This is the second part to The only one, it will be starting around a year or two from it. It can be read without it.Bucky is trying to gather courage to approach Reader after many months of not talking, now when he is finally getting better, but will she be ready to forgive him and will she consider giving him a second chance or has she moved on? - AU





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted on my Tumblr: @nikky-the-writter

It’s been a long time since he felt at least slightly happy and today not that he only felt happy but he was also excited. Although his mind was still in the dark place he was finally able to see a glimmer of light. He thought about the day when he will try to fix the biggest mistake of his life. He didn’t want forgiveness, although he wouldn’t deny it. What he wanted was that the person he loves the most stops thinking that he hates them. 

His recovery was challenging, mostly because he wasn’t sure if he deserved to be alive. With that kind of thoughts he stumbled many times, however, Steve was always there to help him up. But there were some things that his friend couldn’t understand, and that was why Bucky was getting a professional help three times a week since after the day you came to visit him.

* * *

˝How are you feeling?˝ Maria asked sitting opposite Bucky. She was easy to talk to, having the ability to make people feel comfortable and not pressure them to open up to her. She was patient and what Bucky noticed was that she didn’t pretend to care she actually did care. She told him about her sister and her father who both died in a similar way as his unit.

˝I’m good,˝ he actually smiled while answering and that was a rare sight.

Maria never saw him smiling; the most surprised as she was now she was two weeks ago when he came in with his beard replaced with slight stubble and his hair shorter.

˝You should be proud. You’ve done an amazing progress in these 16 months. And seeing you smile, Bucky, I’m happy for you.˝

˝Yeah,˝ he just shrugged it off not wanting to be praised for being the ghost of the person he used to be. He wasn’t proud of himself, but he was happy about what he will do today.

˝I’m being serious. Your nightmares are rare, there is no more phantom pain, and you seem happier… a lot happier than 2 days ago,˝ Maria scolded herself for not connecting the dots. He was happier and excited, but he wasn’t like that the last time she saw him. She was curious what could have caused that change.

˝I’m going to see someone today,˝ his smile was back gracing his face but still, he nervously tugged the edges of his shirt with his right hand.

˝Well that’s great, who?˝

˝Y/N,˝ Bucky said silently. He didn’t know why, but thinking about you made him happy, but saying your name would always awake more sadness in his heart. Your name coming from his lips made him think of the day you came to see him; it remained him of the day when he made yet another mistake with making you leave. He lost you again that day.

˝Bucky we talked about that. You were quite rude to her the last time you talked.˝ Maria dragged the conversation about Bucky meeting you again because what he did to you was cruel despite his reasons. She understood that he didn’t want to burden you with his state, but she was disappointed in his actions.

˝I have to make it right.˝

˝I’m afraid that you will get disappointed. I don’t want to put you back on medications, you’ve improved, still, I think that you are not ready for it. You should wait a few more months.˝ Maria was sure that if the things don’t go as he planned that he will fall deeper into depression.

˝I waited long enough. I didn’t want her to see me like I was that day. My mind was fucked up and my hand it….˝ Bucky just showed with his right hand towards where his left should be. It was amputated above the elbow and when Bucky firstly woke up he didn’t even notice that his hand was gone from all the morphine and the sadness for his friends. ˝I know that I  hurt her but I didn’t want her to feel obligated to stay with me and I still don’t want to, but I  just can’t live without her presence. She makes me happy, she always has.˝

˝What if she has someone else now, it’s been over a year?˝ Maria leaned closer with her elbows on her knees while staring at Bucky who lowered his head.

˝I don’t have an intention to get back together, she deserves more,˝ he whispered knowing exactly how he would feel and he could only imagine that you felt like that while reading his last letter.

˝You are avoiding the question,˝ Maria noted. She was well aware of how hard that will be on him, but she knew that after what he did to you there was no going back.

˝I would be hurt, but I would understand,˝ Bucky finally forced himself to say it out loud.

˝Would you?˝ she persisted. He only wanted for Bucky to admit to himself how bad he would feel if that happens because that was maybe the only thing that could change his mind on seeing you.

˝It’s not like I think that she would want to be with me, I’m not delusional, Maria. She deserves someone who would be there for her, I never was.˝ Bucky finally said.

After that statement, the remaining minutes of the hour were filled with talking about everything that happened to him since he was there the last time. There wasn’t much that happened between two days, but he knew that it was important to share almost every detail so that Maria could help him; he only wished that he was like that at the beginning when he first started seeing Maria because than he would be ready to see you months ago and not just now.

Bucky started to reconsider his decision after leaving Maria’s office, but he needed to do that, if not for himself than for you because you deserved to know the truth.


	2. Chapter 2

To you, it seemed as time slowed down since the last time you saw Bucky, that day your heart broke again and that time into much smaller pieces than the first time. The months were dragging and you were still trapped at that moment. You wanted to move on from him and it was fair from your side to do so, it’s been around two years since you two were an actual couple. So many months passed by but it seemed as it happened yesterday.

Wanda hated seeing you so broken and almost ghostlike. She couldn’t remember when was the last time you truly smiled however she didn’t know how to help you. Neither of the twins knew how to help you and it was tearing them apart, especially Pietro. Pietro saw himself as the one responsible for your current state as he was the one telling you to talk with Bucky. He tried to fix it, but you wouldn’t even acknowledge the words that he was telling you and he was losing his mind. You were no longer who you used to be. Now he only saw you at the bakery when you would decorate cakes and at home, you would close yourself in the room and that was it. You no longer talked to them like you used to, you no longer played games with them or joked; you were just existing and doing your job.

* * *

“You should go out?” Wanda said. She was sitting at the counter where you were finishing a birthday cake that was shaped like Olaf. It was a bigger cake than you usually do for birthdays, but your focus was completely on it the whole time you were making it so it didn’t take you much longer than for others that you did earlier.

“Why?” it was your question. You just wished for the conversation to end soon so that you can complete your task.

“Why do you need a reason?” Wanda moved her fingers over your forearm making you stop icing.

“I don’t see why I would spend my time outside when I could be in my bed.” You said turning your attention to her.

“That’s not healthy,” she quickly said.

“It’s not healthy to sleep?” you said knowing that it wasn’t what she meant, but it gave you an opportunity to change the subject a bit.

“It’s not healthy to mop around.”

“I don’t do that,” your voice came pitch higher and you were surprised by it just as Wanda, but you quickly moved past it.

“Ever since Buc-”

“Don’t say his name,” you said interrupting her. Since the day you came from Bucky’s place you forbid everyone to say his name around you. It was a bit childish, but it helped you to forget for a few seconds during the day about him. However, he was still the first person you thought about in the morning and the last before you fall asleep.

“I know that you are hurt, but you should move on,” she said it as if it was a simple thing to do.

“Have you ever felt like your whole heart has been ripped out of your chest?” You asked staring into her dark eyes and she looked down.

“No, bu-” Wanda was ashamed at the moment because she did have a boyfriend and he was actually her first boyfriend and she never felt a heartbreak except when their mother died.

“Then don’t tell me what to do, he was the one.” You looked away from her moving your attention back onto the cake, but it didn’t stop Wanda from continuing the conversation.

“Maybe he wasn’t,” she said silently.

“You never said that while we were together,” you said glancing her way.

“You are young; maybe what you had with him was meant to end that way. Maybe that was something that had to happen so that you would grow as a person.”

“Grow? Yeah, people grow when you kick them in the ribs, right?” you said with sarcasm dripping from your tongue. You didn’t want to be rude, but you were getting sick of past possibilities.

“You know what I mean,” she huffed before settling her hands in her lap.

“I do, but it seems like I can’t let go, it still hurts the same, time maybe heals the wounds, but then my scars are itching.”

“And one day you won’t feel that anymore,” she placed her palm over yours smiling at you.

“I hope so,” you said forcing a small smile onto your face.

* * *

A week after that conversation Wanda persuaded you into going back to dating and at first, it was awful; you were constantly searching for similarities and differences between them and Bucky and you didn’t know what would be worse for you if they are too different or too similar?

But as the weeks go by you actually started having fun on the dates with most of the guys you met you become friends and there wasn’t a lot of them with whom you wished to go on the second date, just as it was tonight.

You were on a date in a small restaurant, it was nice and the guy seemed nice, but again you just didn’t feel right about the situation. You wanted to like him, but it seemed like your heart didn’t have any space for him inside. After the dinner you parted your ways, he insisted on walking you home, but you refused. You lived close to the restaurant and you honestly didn’t think that there was any subject left for you to talk about.

It didn’t take you long to see your building, but when you did your heart almost gave out. Although it was dark you could recognize him, even when his posture was slightly different you knew who he was and at the moment you couldn’t understand why every time when you actually forget about him for longer than a minute he comes back. It was like a form of torture for you as if his presence had to remind you that there was no moving on from him, that he is the one.


	3. Chapter 3

You would be lying if you say that you haven’t hopped for Bucky to show up at your doors in these 16 months. Every day you hoped for it, but not once did you thought about what you would say to him, or what would you like to hear from him. You didn’t wish for him to tell you that everything written in that letter was a lie because it would still be cruel, but you just wished for him to be there. In no way was it reasonable for you to wish for your ex-fiancé to come back into your life, however, that didn’t stop you from doing just that. 

And while you always thought about seeing him you couldn’t imagine how painful it would be for you. It was breaking you and you couldn’t understand why the pain was still fresh. Hearing him calling out your name was what broke you the most, just his voice and the evident ache in it. Now when it happened you didn’t know what to say. When he called out your name you didn’t know what to do except running inside your building without sparing him a second glance.

 

You broke down in tears against your doors not being able to hold it inside anymore. You were so tired of that feeling, you didn’t want to be like that but nothing you did could change how you felt about him. You tried dating, you tried to not even fall for someone, but to at least like them and it never happened. Majority of people you met were actually nice and to you that was it, they were just nice, they had many other good qualities but you quickly decided against the idea to even go on a second date. Your siblings noticed your behavior, they asked you to go see a therapist, but you didn’t want to because partially you were scared that they will help you to move on from Bucky, and that was something that deep in your heart you couldn’t let to happen.

* * *

“Why are you crying? What is going on?” Pietro was quick to sit on the floor beside you. He pulled you close to his chest while your body shook against him.

“Why does he keep doing that?” your voice came out a pitch higher and you almost choked on your own saliva while still crying your heart out.

“Who?” Pietro asked. He was pretty sure that he knew who, but he wanted for you to confirm that.

“Every time when he slips from my mind for a second he shows up,” you shrugged your shoulders defeated with your own words if what was happening was your punishment no matter that you wished to see him again.

“I’m so sorry,” Pietro pulled you closer.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” you said while turning your nose away from the croak of his neck not liking the scent of his cologne, which you told him numerous times before just like Wanda.

“Doesn’t feel like it, remember the last time?” he asked. What happened after he talked you into talking to Bucky made him feel guilty and responsible from the pain that you were feeling although he wasn’t the one causing it.

“That wasn’t your fault it was his,” you whispered leaning your head against the door. Your focus was on the window across from where you were sitting and it made you wonder if Bucky has already left.

“Look I know that at the moment you hate him, b-” he didn’t get a chance to say what was on his mind as you interrupted him.

“I don’t hate him and that is the problem,“ you said while sniffling. “After everything that he did my heart begs for him,” you shrugged not understanding why it was still like that.

“You should give him a chance to explain,” he said tilting his head to the side and hating how sad and defeated you looked.

“I gave him one,” you glanced his way waiting for him to fight you on that as you knew that he will.

“Then he just got back and his friends died, you have to understand that something like that couldn’t be easy for him.”

“I understand that,” you swallowed the lump in your throat after reminded of Bucky’s friends. You couldn’t imagine how it must be hard for him, at first you were bitter saying to yourself that he deserved it, but you weren’t that heartless to actually mean it. Nobody deserved to go through whatever Bucky has been through, but that didn’t give him the right to treat other people poorly as he did you.

“Would you like it for me to go talk to him tomorrow?” Pietro suggested knowing that you don’t want to even come close to Bucky’s building still under the influence of everything that happened there the last time.

“I don’t know,” you said honestly, while your brain already began overthinking everything.

“When you make up your mind tell me and I will go see him.” He simply said although he knew what your answer will be, not exactly the words, but the meaning of them.

“Ask him why now?” You said before standing up. Pulling your sweater down over your hip where it went up you offered Pietro a hand to help him stand up.

“I will,” Pietro said once on his feet. He quickly pulled you into another hug before telling you to wash your face while he makes you a hot chocolate.

You went to the bathroom to clean your face, but before you could take a handful of water you stayed frozen while staring at your reflection. Taking a few deep breaths you actually smiled to the mirror as the strange feeling went through your body. You actually thought that soon you will finally get a closure with Bucky, although you thought that you weren’t ready for it you knew that it was time.


End file.
